I had a date with a doctor this week.
He didn't know it.
But we were definitely on it together.
I saw my endocrinologist this past week. On Valentine's Day. Isn't he so romantic? In honor of V-Day, Dr. McDreamy gave me one of the best presents a (diabetic) girl could ask for, a lower a1c! Yippee!
The last time I had my a1c checked, I was disappointed. I had gone up remarkably from a 6.1 to a 7.2. The combination of broken insulin pumps, bad insulin, summer vacation, and the stress of trying to single-handedly hold together a relationship probably had a lot to do with that dramatic increase in numbers. Stress does REdiculous things to your blood sugar!
I am pleased to announce that this past Thursday, I had an a1c of 6.4! 6.4, mofos!
It was all I could to do to stop myself from swiping McDreamy's belongings off of his desk in classic Grey's Anatomy style!
But then I would have had to pick it all up.
Before being escorted out of the building by security.
Showing posts with label a1c. Show all posts
Showing posts with label a1c. Show all posts
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Ebb and Flow
Ebb and flow.
Isn't it strange when several, completely unrelated people share similar sentiments that so perfectly fit your present life? Maybe it's this whole hippie-dippie yoga thing rubbing off on me, but the concept of "ebb and flow" has recently become a theme in my life.
While I can expound on how this theme is so perfectly playing itself out in several areas of my life, I am going to narrow this post to a recent experience I had at a Certified Diabetes Educator (CDE) appointment.
Remember back in September when I had a zen approach to my 7.2 a1c, a number that would have previously sent me into hysterics, I was somehow able to take that number in stride, recognizing that I will have a million a1c tests in my lifetime and I can't fall apart every time one comes back higher then I want.
Right.
How quickly that fell apart in the CDE's office last week. While I didn't get a new a1c test done, we reviewed the data from my insulin pump. Which seemed horrendous. I had thought that my numbers were better. That I had been more in line with my blood sugar goals. As we looked through the list of numbers, I saw more 180's, 190's and 200's then I had expected.
I could feel my heart sink in my chest.
When I said to the CDE "I thought I was doing better" and repeated several times throughout the appointment how disappointed I was, she assured me that I was looking at skewed data. That most of the numbers on the insulin pump are going to seem high because that's when I will use it most. I won't plug my blood sugar numbers into the pump if I am in range. There's no reason to.
Regardless of all the perfectly logically reasons why numbers appeared so high on that sheet, I was feeling pretty shitty. I tried to remind myself of that zen feeling from only a few months ago. Reassure myself that I am getting back on track and that my a1c will be lower when I test again in December. That "doing better" isn't just about numbers on a page.
Sometimes things will be better. And sometimes they won't. And chances are, even when things seem rough, that better times will return. It's just the ebb and flow.
Isn't it strange when several, completely unrelated people share similar sentiments that so perfectly fit your present life? Maybe it's this whole hippie-dippie yoga thing rubbing off on me, but the concept of "ebb and flow" has recently become a theme in my life.
While I can expound on how this theme is so perfectly playing itself out in several areas of my life, I am going to narrow this post to a recent experience I had at a Certified Diabetes Educator (CDE) appointment.
Remember back in September when I had a zen approach to my 7.2 a1c, a number that would have previously sent me into hysterics, I was somehow able to take that number in stride, recognizing that I will have a million a1c tests in my lifetime and I can't fall apart every time one comes back higher then I want.
Right.
How quickly that fell apart in the CDE's office last week. While I didn't get a new a1c test done, we reviewed the data from my insulin pump. Which seemed horrendous. I had thought that my numbers were better. That I had been more in line with my blood sugar goals. As we looked through the list of numbers, I saw more 180's, 190's and 200's then I had expected.
I could feel my heart sink in my chest.
When I said to the CDE "I thought I was doing better" and repeated several times throughout the appointment how disappointed I was, she assured me that I was looking at skewed data. That most of the numbers on the insulin pump are going to seem high because that's when I will use it most. I won't plug my blood sugar numbers into the pump if I am in range. There's no reason to.
Regardless of all the perfectly logically reasons why numbers appeared so high on that sheet, I was feeling pretty shitty. I tried to remind myself of that zen feeling from only a few months ago. Reassure myself that I am getting back on track and that my a1c will be lower when I test again in December. That "doing better" isn't just about numbers on a page.
Sometimes things will be better. And sometimes they won't. And chances are, even when things seem rough, that better times will return. It's just the ebb and flow.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Mixed Emotions
Today, I had an appointment with my Endocrinologist.
I usually have a fair amount of anxiety before each of my endo appointments. While I would normally joke that it's because of my high school crush on my doctor, it really is because I'm never quite sure what my numbers are going to look like. I usually get a full panel of blood work done prior to each appointment so we can go over the results.
Well, not this time.
This time, I knew that the numbers weren't going to be where I would like them. When the nurse asked if I wanted to have an a1c done in the office, I begrudgingly agreed. I had a sense it would be the 7.0 range. Which is why I shouldn't feel too disappointed to find out that it's 7.2 Up significantly from my last 6.1.
But I am disappointed. Sort of.
I am disappointed by the overall number. Obviously. But there are a few things that make it not seem so bad. First, I had an awesome summer filled with weekend trips and a seriously amazing vacation. I ate and drank what I pleased, knowing that there may have been some diabetes consequences. I probably didn't check as often as I should, ate things I probably shouldn't have, and enjoyed myself. It's not like I let things get wildly out of control. I was a little lax. It happens. Maybe I'll figure out a better balance....next summer.
The other thing that I am kind of impressed with is my reaction to that number. Normally, I would have been on the phone to my sister, a blubbering mess about how I am going to die young because my a1c was a 6.8 instead of a 6.5. I would start rattling off all of the possible complications I would get now that my a1c has increased.
This time....no blubbering. No catastrophizing. No hysterical phones calls to....well, anyone really.
I don't want people to assume that I am not taking this increase seriously. Because I am. But I also have come to the realization that I will be diabetic for the rest of my life. I will have thousands of a1c tests. Some will be amazing and I'm sure some will not be. I can't cry over every bad number. I can't worry about every possible complication that can come of me. Life would be pretty bleak if I did that.
What I can do is come up with a plan.
The plan is:
I usually have a fair amount of anxiety before each of my endo appointments. While I would normally joke that it's because of my high school crush on my doctor, it really is because I'm never quite sure what my numbers are going to look like. I usually get a full panel of blood work done prior to each appointment so we can go over the results.
Well, not this time.
This time, I knew that the numbers weren't going to be where I would like them. When the nurse asked if I wanted to have an a1c done in the office, I begrudgingly agreed. I had a sense it would be the 7.0 range. Which is why I shouldn't feel too disappointed to find out that it's 7.2 Up significantly from my last 6.1.
But I am disappointed. Sort of.
I am disappointed by the overall number. Obviously. But there are a few things that make it not seem so bad. First, I had an awesome summer filled with weekend trips and a seriously amazing vacation. I ate and drank what I pleased, knowing that there may have been some diabetes consequences. I probably didn't check as often as I should, ate things I probably shouldn't have, and enjoyed myself. It's not like I let things get wildly out of control. I was a little lax. It happens. Maybe I'll figure out a better balance....next summer.
The other thing that I am kind of impressed with is my reaction to that number. Normally, I would have been on the phone to my sister, a blubbering mess about how I am going to die young because my a1c was a 6.8 instead of a 6.5. I would start rattling off all of the possible complications I would get now that my a1c has increased.
This time....no blubbering. No catastrophizing. No hysterical phones calls to....well, anyone really.
I don't want people to assume that I am not taking this increase seriously. Because I am. But I also have come to the realization that I will be diabetic for the rest of my life. I will have thousands of a1c tests. Some will be amazing and I'm sure some will not be. I can't cry over every bad number. I can't worry about every possible complication that can come of me. Life would be pretty bleak if I did that.
What I can do is come up with a plan.
The plan is:
- Begin to test my blood sugar 6 to 8 times a day - I've fallen off of this a bit
- Monitor and measure my food - The summer has put me off this habit. Time to get back on it.
- Food-logging - I always say I'll do this and then don't
- Mark the dates of my insulin - I definitely haven't kept track of when my insulin expires, causing me to have a few days with shitty insulin and high numbers
- Make an appointment with the CDE - already done!
6.1, I'm coming for you!
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Enough to Make You Cry
My endocrinologist called me yesterday asking if we could move up my June appointment to this Friday! Even though it was mildly inconvenient, I have a little bit of a high school girl crush on my endo and, obviously, agreed to change the appointment. As well as offer to have his non-diabetic love child. This change in appointment meant getting my A1c completed earlier the expected...which means blood work. Ugh!
There are many things I have adjusted to since becoming a diabetic. Blood sugar testing, injecting myself, carrying an insulin beeper, stealing packets of honey from every Starbucks in the tri-state area. All of those fun things. Yet there are two things that I'm not sure I will ever get use to.
One is that awful, shaky, mind-numbing experience of hypoglycemia. Two is getting my blood drawn.
Before diabetes, getting my blood drawn was no thang! I'd roll up my sleeve, puncture a vein and be on my merry way. No problems! It was also probably something I did every other year.
With diabetes, I have my blood drawn every 3 - 4 months. Every time I go, I can't help but get a little teary eyed. Whether because it's an uncommon reminder that I'm diabetic or because most phlebotomists suck and stab me several times before successfully getting blood or I'm traumatized from my experience in the hospital, getting my blood drawn is my least favorite part of being diabetic.
Except today. Today was different, my friends.
Maybe it was the last minute nature of the experience. Or because Rolondo is my new best friend and got my vein on the first try. But this was the first time in my year and half of being diabetic that I didn't cry after getting my blood drawn.
What's up now, Diabetes? Take that!
There are many things I have adjusted to since becoming a diabetic. Blood sugar testing, injecting myself, carrying an insulin beeper, stealing packets of honey from every Starbucks in the tri-state area. All of those fun things. Yet there are two things that I'm not sure I will ever get use to.
One is that awful, shaky, mind-numbing experience of hypoglycemia. Two is getting my blood drawn.
Before diabetes, getting my blood drawn was no thang! I'd roll up my sleeve, puncture a vein and be on my merry way. No problems! It was also probably something I did every other year.
With diabetes, I have my blood drawn every 3 - 4 months. Every time I go, I can't help but get a little teary eyed. Whether because it's an uncommon reminder that I'm diabetic or because most phlebotomists suck and stab me several times before successfully getting blood or I'm traumatized from my experience in the hospital, getting my blood drawn is my least favorite part of being diabetic.
Except today. Today was different, my friends.
Maybe it was the last minute nature of the experience. Or because Rolondo is my new best friend and got my vein on the first try. But this was the first time in my year and half of being diabetic that I didn't cry after getting my blood drawn.
What's up now, Diabetes? Take that!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Single Handed.
I blame Trader Joe's for singlehandedly raising my a1c. Yes. It is all Trader Joe's fault. With all of its holiday goodness and time-limited products available only during the Christmas season. Fucking Trader Joe's.
Let me tell you a little story about our frienemy, Cookie Butter.
Let me tell you a little story about our frienemy, Cookie Butter.
Several weeks ago, while shopping at TJ's, I had noticed Cookie Butter staring at me, longingly, from his place on the "new products" shelf. Intrigued, I went over to read the label. Immediately from the description, I knew Cookie Butter was bad news. In one of my stronger moments, I resisted and put him back on the shelf.
Several weeks later, I was shopping in TJ's again and they were giving out samples of Cookie Butter. What could a sample hurt? Maybe I'd try it and hate it, right?
Bad decision. Of course it was delicious! This time, my willpower was weakened and Cookie Butter followed me to the checkout counter. I couldn't resist the urge and opened him up RIGHT THERE IN THE TRADER JOE'S PARKING LOT! It was so good. Thankfully, I was able to stop myself from eating the whole jar with my finger!
However, once I got Cookie Butter home, it was all down hill from there. In fact, it got so bad that one night, I actually threw him in the garbage. Twisted the lid on tight, tossed him in, never to hear from Cookie Butter again.
Until the next morning, when I took him out of the garbage and ate him on an english muffin for breakfast.
Definitely not my proudest moment.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Perspective.
I've been fantasizing. A lot.
Sadly, my fantasies have not been about fortune, fame, or men. Okay, well, at least not fantasies I'm willing to share while my mother is reading.
I've been fantasizing about my A1c. Yes, the blood test that shows how well I've been controlling my diabetes for the last few months. I lead a wild life! I've been picturing my endocrinologist (who actually isn't hard to fantasize about) coming into his office with the results of my blood work in his hands. In my head, he looks up from my file to tell me that I have achieved a 5.9 blood sugar. Then, he pins a shiny gold star to my shirt and lets me eat a whole pie in his office!
Having been on the insulin pump for four months now, I was hoping to have a significant drop in my a1c. I decided that I would be content to stay at the same awesome 6.2, but 5.9....it was what my dreams were made of.
Imagine my disappointment when my endocrinologist told me today that my a1c is a 6.6! "It went up?" I said to him sadly. He explained that there is an adjustment period with the pump and that 6.6 is a great a1c result. He went through the rest of the results of the blood work, but that 6.6 just kept bouncing around my head. At one point, I said, "Yeah, but a 6.6." I can tell that he stopped short of calling me crazy and instead opted to say "These are great results! People would kill to have this a1c. I'm thrilled! You're doing great."
However, it wasn't until I got into the car that I started to process everything else the doctor had said to me. Like that my kidneys, liver, and thyroid are all functioning perfectly. Go organs! My cholesterol was actually lower then it had been several months ago. And the big one is that I have reduced the number of hypoglycemic episodes from 5 - 7 times a week to maybe one every once in a while. All while learning how to manage diabetes with an insulin pump.
Despite the increase, this result and my reaction shows me how much progress I really have made in the past several months. If I had this increase 6 months, I would have been an absolute mess, so upset and disappointed. While it motivates me to be a little more mindful of my eating and blood sugar testing, I have also come to accept that diabetes is a work in progress, constantly changing, but something I have a better grasp on understanding every day.
Sadly, my fantasies have not been about fortune, fame, or men. Okay, well, at least not fantasies I'm willing to share while my mother is reading.
I've been fantasizing about my A1c. Yes, the blood test that shows how well I've been controlling my diabetes for the last few months. I lead a wild life! I've been picturing my endocrinologist (who actually isn't hard to fantasize about) coming into his office with the results of my blood work in his hands. In my head, he looks up from my file to tell me that I have achieved a 5.9 blood sugar. Then, he pins a shiny gold star to my shirt and lets me eat a whole pie in his office!
Having been on the insulin pump for four months now, I was hoping to have a significant drop in my a1c. I decided that I would be content to stay at the same awesome 6.2, but 5.9....it was what my dreams were made of.
Imagine my disappointment when my endocrinologist told me today that my a1c is a 6.6! "It went up?" I said to him sadly. He explained that there is an adjustment period with the pump and that 6.6 is a great a1c result. He went through the rest of the results of the blood work, but that 6.6 just kept bouncing around my head. At one point, I said, "Yeah, but a 6.6." I can tell that he stopped short of calling me crazy and instead opted to say "These are great results! People would kill to have this a1c. I'm thrilled! You're doing great."
However, it wasn't until I got into the car that I started to process everything else the doctor had said to me. Like that my kidneys, liver, and thyroid are all functioning perfectly. Go organs! My cholesterol was actually lower then it had been several months ago. And the big one is that I have reduced the number of hypoglycemic episodes from 5 - 7 times a week to maybe one every once in a while. All while learning how to manage diabetes with an insulin pump.
Despite the increase, this result and my reaction shows me how much progress I really have made in the past several months. If I had this increase 6 months, I would have been an absolute mess, so upset and disappointed. While it motivates me to be a little more mindful of my eating and blood sugar testing, I have also come to accept that diabetes is a work in progress, constantly changing, but something I have a better grasp on understanding every day.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
A1C Anxiety
A while ago, Jerry said to me that he didn't want me to be upset if my A1C test wasn't as good as my last one (which was an awesome 6.2).
I rolled my eyes, sucked my teeth, and huffed "Of course I'm not going to be upset when my A1C isn't as good!" Really, Jerry?!?! It's not like I'm some crazy perfectionist/over-achiever who puts great pressure on herself to do EVERYTHING right and beats herself up when she doesn't. God! It's like you don't even know me or something! :)
After having a really shitty weekend of blood glucose numbers and feeling like I have gained a few extra pounds, I'm starting to really worry about it. I said that I would give myself an insulin pump-free summer because I was doing so well with my pen needles. Which means that I need to keep the same type of control over the summer so I'm not just using it as an excuse to avoid the pump.
My next endocrinologist appointment is at the beginning of August, which means I have less then a month to get myself back on diabetic track. This means getting back on a regular exercise schedule and being more mindful of my diet. I've been indulging way too much lately and definitely need to cut back.
I'm not fucking around here, diabetes! I'm coming after you! And it ain't going to be pretty.
I rolled my eyes, sucked my teeth, and huffed "Of course I'm not going to be upset when my A1C isn't as good!" Really, Jerry?!?! It's not like I'm some crazy perfectionist/over-achiever who puts great pressure on herself to do EVERYTHING right and beats herself up when she doesn't. God! It's like you don't even know me or something! :)
After having a really shitty weekend of blood glucose numbers and feeling like I have gained a few extra pounds, I'm starting to really worry about it. I said that I would give myself an insulin pump-free summer because I was doing so well with my pen needles. Which means that I need to keep the same type of control over the summer so I'm not just using it as an excuse to avoid the pump.
My next endocrinologist appointment is at the beginning of August, which means I have less then a month to get myself back on diabetic track. This means getting back on a regular exercise schedule and being more mindful of my diet. I've been indulging way too much lately and definitely need to cut back.
I'm not fucking around here, diabetes! I'm coming after you! And it ain't going to be pretty.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)