I've been fantasizing. A lot.
Sadly, my fantasies have not been about fortune, fame, or men. Okay, well, at least not fantasies I'm willing to share while my mother is reading.
I've been fantasizing about my A1c. Yes, the blood test that shows how well I've been controlling my diabetes for the last few months. I lead a wild life! I've been picturing my endocrinologist (who actually isn't hard to fantasize about) coming into his office with the results of my blood work in his hands. In my head, he looks up from my file to tell me that I have achieved a 5.9 blood sugar. Then, he pins a shiny gold star to my shirt and lets me eat a whole pie in his office!
Having been on the insulin pump for four months now, I was hoping to have a significant drop in my a1c. I decided that I would be content to stay at the same awesome 6.2, but 5.9....it was what my dreams were made of.
Imagine my disappointment when my endocrinologist told me today that my a1c is a 6.6! "It went up?" I said to him sadly. He explained that there is an adjustment period with the pump and that 6.6 is a great a1c result. He went through the rest of the results of the blood work, but that 6.6 just kept bouncing around my head. At one point, I said, "Yeah, but a 6.6." I can tell that he stopped short of calling me crazy and instead opted to say "These are great results! People would kill to have this a1c. I'm thrilled! You're doing great."
However, it wasn't until I got into the car that I started to process everything else the doctor had said to me. Like that my kidneys, liver, and thyroid are all functioning perfectly. Go organs! My cholesterol was actually lower then it had been several months ago. And the big one is that I have reduced the number of hypoglycemic episodes from 5 - 7 times a week to maybe one every once in a while. All while learning how to manage diabetes with an insulin pump.
Despite the increase, this result and my reaction shows me how much progress I really have made in the past several months. If I had this increase 6 months, I would have been an absolute mess, so upset and disappointed. While it motivates me to be a little more mindful of my eating and blood sugar testing, I have also come to accept that diabetes is a work in progress, constantly changing, but something I have a better grasp on understanding every day.