Simple Rules

Are you ready for another soapbox, kids? Don't worry. This one is more angry instead of guilting you into growing your own food!

Bonnie's Rules for Proper Gym Ettiquette

Clean up after yourself. Weights should be put away when one is finishing using them. If they weren't too heavy to do however many grunting sets you had, then they're not too heavy for you to walk your ass over to the weight shelf and put them back! This makes them available for the next person who wants to use them while keeping the gym floor from being a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Be considerate of others in the gym. This means wiping down your sweaty machines after you're done using it. I don't care if you're the marathon runner that just finished 50 miles on the treadmill or one of those annoying "trainer groupies" who are just pretending to work out. Either way, I don't want to touch your skank. It also means that you should allow others to take their quick sip of water from the fountain instead of making them wait for you to finish filling up your big ass bottle of water or protein shake.

Ask before taking. It's a very simple rule. Something you're taught at a young age. If you see that a pair of weights are at my feet next to my purse with my towel casually dropped on top of them while I'm obviously taking a break in between sets, then YES, I am still using those, motherfucker! I'm not blind. I can see you moving my towel, pushing aside my purse to nonchalantly take them as though I won't notice that 2 12 lbs weights suddenly disappeared.

Learn when and how to share. I'm not a good sharer either, but in a crowded gym, it's important to let others work into your sets, especially if you're going to spend an hour on the same machine. However, this does not allow you to comment on the amount of weight, number of sets, or form on shared exercise machine. Having a subscription to Men's Health does not make you a personal trainer, my friend, and I like having a neck!


Vanity is unbecoming, but totally entertaining in the gym! So, go ahead and shake what your mama gave ya! Kiss those flexed biceps! Give yourself that pep talk as you're doing a bench press! Refer to yourself in the third person! Just don't expect me to want to talk to you after.

It is not polite to stare. Four out of 5 mothers will agree. We're all familiar with the disgusting, grunting meatheads who leer at women working out. They're gross. They're creepy. They need a good punch to the pancreas. However, if you're staring at me while I change in the locker room, then you better be asking me for my fucking number. Because staring at my insulin pump is not going to make it telepathically communicate to you what it is. Have some class and ask me. It's not like you're worried about being rude or something!

Dream On

I wake up, feeling a little groggy, with a pounding headache and a wicked case of dry mouth. Like real-deal, "haven't had a drink in days", "probably going to die of dehydration soon" kind of dry mouth. I let out a deep sigh as I realize that my blood sugar is probably ridiculously high.

In a bleary-eye state, I fumble for my glucose tester as I meticulously dissect everything I had eaten the night before that could have caused an overnight rise in blood sugar. I prick my finger, add blood to the test strip, and wait, in annoyance, for my glucose results.

My blood glucose tester beeps, letting me know the results are in and aren't good.  And there it is.

A 857 blood sugar!!!!

I begin to panic. 857! How did my blood sugar get so high? What could I have possibly eaten? Did my pump stop working? Did I run out of insulin? Am I going to die soon?! How is a 857 blood sugar possible?!

Then, I realize that's not possible, immediately confirmed by taking an actual blood sugar test and not just a dream one.

I believe this is a diabetic's equivalent to showing up to school naked.

For You

Break-ups suck. There's really no way around it. They're hard. They're painful. They may make you want to consume large amounts of ice cream, plates of Rocky Road Brownies, and numerous bottles of wine.

Or break-ups, on the other hand, cause something to happen that NEVER EVER happens! It's really quite shocking! You lose your appetite! GASPS! You? A fat kid? Lose your appetite? I know. It's crazy. Even when you're deathly ill and can barely keep food down, you still have the urge to stuff your face with saltine crackers and chicken soup! But when you're sad, nothing seems appealing.

And while the "break-up diet" is great for dropping those pesky few pounds, it is not so great with that pesky diabetes. With diabetes, you HAVE to eat. It's not really a choice, unless you want to keep an IV of apple juice strapped to your arm. And when you eat, it's probably best not feed that sadness sugary treats. During this time, you need something that you want to eat (besides spoonfuls of peanut butter straight from the jar) and not make your blood sugar go crazy.  Like stocking up on your favorite granola bars, making yourself a large pot of tomato sauce, and having plenty of good friends who make sure you always have dinner plans.

And while surrounding yourself in the foods you enjoy takes care of the subsistence side of things, there is still the emotional. Because, really, isn't that the purpose of food any way when you're sad? Whether you're distracting yourself by cooking, forgetting by baking, giving yourself too much or not enough, it is because you're trying to find some way to dull that ache in your chest.

There's no easy way to get past this point. It will take some time. And, maybe, remembering to be grateful for all that person added to your life, sad they're not there right now, and hopeful your paths may cross again one day can help too.

And, obviously, when I say "you" and "your," I really mean "I" and "my."

All the Rage!

Baby hands. It's the newest food craze! Saute them with butter and garlic! Stir-fry them with srichacha and ginger! Or simply roast them with salt and pepper!

Excellent on the blood sugar. Requires hardly any insulin at all.

I'll resist the urge to share any Dead Baby jokes.

I'm sorry. This picture was just way too creepy to not share. Google Images has the craziest shit!

Real post to come soon!

Green Thumb!

Most of you probably don't know that I am an AWESOME gardener!

Check out these peppers!

I grew those! On my deck! In a pot! All by myself!!

How did I do it, you must be asking? How did I manage to cultivate the world's most perfect green pepper in a pot, on my deck, all by myself?

I actually have no idea! I stopped watering that plant in JUNE! But those little peppers persevered through the summer heat, Not-a-Hurriance Irene, and Jackson's incessant digging into my potted plants (fucker)! I'm so glad they made it so I can now chop them up into little pieces and eat them for lunch! Whahahahah! -- evil laugh, did you get it?

Lessons Learned

I learn new things from my clients every day. Some of these lessons aren't things I ever necessarily felt the need to know, like how many species of lemurs there are in the world or the exact number of tiles there are in the office's bathroom...but still...new things...every day.

There also times when my clients remind me of important life lessons once learned and easily overlooked.

In session the other day, my client talked about feeling stuck between two worlds, one for disabled people and one for everyone else. He has a significant medical condition and a mild developmental disability. We were talking about things that make him feel better when he is feeling down.Christmas is on the top of his list! But he also asked, "Ever see the movie Shawshank Redempetion?"
A little incredulously, I say "Yes, but that wasn't necessarily a feel good movie that would make me feel happy."
"You don't think so?" he asks.
"Well, I'm not sure. How do you see it?"
"Well, at the end, when Tim Robbin's character leaves the letter for Morgan Freeman's character, it says 'Hope is a good thing. Good things always survive.' I watch that movie and remember that there is always hope and feel better."