After coming to the end of my detox, it didn't take long for me to retox. It started with beers and brains (yes, actual pork brains) on Thursday night at my favorite Japanese street food restaurant followed by the sharing of three completely unnecessary desserts on Friday night! The retoxification of my system was punctuated with a Saturday morning blood sugar of 375. Awesome.
Well, really, not awesome, since it ended up making me a moody, cranky bitch for the next few days.
One thing that is very clear to me, but I never really want to admit, is that my personal self image and weight are very much intertwined. I feel more attractive and confident the thinner I am.
There. I've admitted it. I'm one of those girls.
With diabetes in my life, my focus on health and fitness are even more intense! Rather then view one night of overeating as an accidental indulgence, I (sometimes) see it as a failure of character. If only I had better self-control...if only I ordered the healthiest item on the menu...if only I said no to dessert and didn't eat that piece of bread...I would be a better diabetic. I'd be thinner. I'd be happier.
I beat myself up. I put myself in a crappy mood. And it sucks.
I know all is not lost. I know that whatever weight I put on over the weekend can be lost. Whatever crazy blood sugar numbers that happened can be changed. Whatever bruises I inflicted on my self-esteem can be healed.
I thought I'd share these thoughts just so you know it's not all happy workouts and detoxes over here. And because I think we all have these thoughts at one point or another. We're not always happy with what we eat, how we look, and the way we treat ourselves. Sometimes, I think it's good to hear that. Just so we know we're not alone.
So, hey there, you're not alone.
I'll have a more uplifting recap of my detox soon.