Monday, August 29, 2011

Not Suitable for Parents

This post may contain content unsuitable for mothers. Parental discretion is advised. Meaning, you may want to skip this one, Ma!

One of the questions that immediately popped into my mind when considering the insulin pump was “How am I suppose to have sex with that thing on?” You know you thought it too!
For those of you that know me, you know that I’m a fairly upfront person. I say what I think with the rare self-edit. It’s what makes me so likeable! I’m a pretty open person who talks about most topics. That's the reason I feel compelled to write this post. Not necessarily to give you the gory details of my intimate moments (but send me an e-mail you want some! :)) but because sex is a part of life and happens to be grossly absent from this blog!

At first glance, one wouldn't think that the insulin pump impacts on my sex life. After all, it's only attached to my side and not any of my valuable lady parts. But having to say, "Wait, I have to remove my insulin pump" sounded as attractive to me as "Hold on! I have to take out my retainer." There’s no smooth way of doing it. Plus, having what essentially looks like the plug to an inner tube inserted into my side doesn't really make me feel sexy. It makes me feel weird. And then there's Jerry to worry about! Would he be grossed out by this plug that suddenly appeared on his girlfriend’s body? It's just another feature to be self-conscious about. 

On that first night, when these thoughts floated around my head, I started to cry. Don’t worry, Jerry’s use to that! When we “finally got down to business” (don’t you love my euphemisms?), I went to remove the plug from my side. Jerry seemed alarmed, “You’re going to take that off?!”

“Umm, yeah, having a 23 inch long tubing attached to a subcutaneous filament imbedded in my side that if ripped out could cause blood loss seems a little dangerous for sex, don’t you think?”

Okay, I didn’t actually say that. Because the only thing that would have ruined the mood more then crying and massive blood loss would be me talking about it!

Despite my insecurities and anxieties, no blood loss occurred, insulin was delivered, and sleep promptly followed! :)

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