Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Missing Something

Sometimes, when I read articles or other people's diabetes blogs, I get the sense that I'm missing something.

Despite my adjustment to diabetes, I am still not completely fluent in its language. I get the sense that there are things that I'm not doing that I should be (besides avoiding eating entire loaves of bread and seconds on desserts).

Even though my A1Cs have been where they should be, I'm usually fearful that each time I go to get my blood drawn my results are going to be skyward of 7.0. I end up becoming avoidant of getting the blood test done, which just increases my anxiety about it! It's really quite stressful.
Sometimes, I convince myself that I will actually start doing some of the things I think I'm suppose to...tomorrow. Not today.  Things like logging my blood sugars, following a stricter diet, doing the occasional basal test (which I'm still not exactly sure what that is, but I know I should be doing it!), making an appointment to see the Diabetes Educator, checking my pump data to see if there are patterns, and making an appointment with a nutritionist. I can go on.

I realize that there are still so many nuanced questions that I just don't get answers to. Foods that I'm still not sure how to bolus for. High blood sugars that seem to come out of no where. The occasional panic that I'm losing my vision and my toes are gangrenous. How to eat and insulin prior to working out.

There's so much that goes into living this life. It's all very overwhelming sometimes. I wish diabetes came with a guide book.

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